So I googled it (typical me thing to do).
I found out that there are 35,000,000 people!(三千五百万！）
THIRTY FIVE MILLION!!
people living within the "Greater Tokyo Area" (aka- Tokyo Metropolis. which includes Tokyo, Yokohama, Kawasaki... )
The Netherlands, on the other hand, has 16.5 million TOTAL and is about three times as big as the "Greater Tokyo Area" Which leads me to the conclusion, yet again, that: Tokyo is CRAZY!
No wonder there's a new reality show in Holland called "Lost in Tokyo" where contestants are lost (obviously) in Tokyo, and have to tackle Tokyo pop culture. Last week, contestants struggled to understand "maid cafes" and "kosu pure" (costume play.) This week, it's about Japanese comedy... I already saw the commercial, and I saw Hard-Gay (a crazy Japanese comedian who dresses up in S&M clothes)... I'm SO afraid of all the questions Japanese people are gonna have to endure here "is it really like that in Tokyo? do they drive fast and furiously? (from that movie) do comedians dress up in S&M costumes? are girls sent to kyoto to become geishas?" I bet sooner or later, somewhere in the world, stupid shows will start mentioning that it's typical to eat sushi off naked women for business meetings.
When that day comes, I think I'll give up. I'll just GIVE UP.
I'll tell people I come from a samurai family, and that I've lost 3 brothers from "harakiri" because they failed exams in high school and did not want to disgrace the family name. "It's a sad story, I know, but my parents were proud they made the right choice." I'll tell them I wear silky red kimonos with dragon embroidery to school "it's what Gwen Stefani's Harajuku Girls wear!" I'll tell them I eat sushi for breakfast with soy sauce flavor soda. Mmmmm a true Japanese delicacy. I will also lie that my name means "lotus kitten of the heavenly gods" and that name was given to me because I was originally raised to become a Geisha... In childhood, I had daily classes of dance, singing, playing the shamisen, and pleasing men... ofcourse, I was taught English to please foreign men and talk politics. "I was the lucky one." Then, when they ask me to make up a Kanji to spell their name (which is close to impossible when your name is something like Klankhammerijkenstockowallawallabingbang) I will write "I didn't know what to get" and convince them to get it tattooed on their back like a real yakuza would. When I'm done telling them my story, I will excuse myself to go pray to my Ancestors for forgiveness for telling a foreigner the truth about Japan. But ofcourse, I wouldn't leave without being very polite, bowing and saying "hai! Domo Arigato, Mister Robotto!"
-Sept. 2007
No comments:
Post a Comment